Well, it seems like it's been a lifetime since I've been on here...pouring out my thoughts onto a digital journal which no one ever reads....nevertheless, I have some things I want to say.
Today I've been thinking about death.
Maybe it's from the 4 hours of sleep I got, or simply that it's such a hard concept to grasp, but thinking about death brings tears to my eyes. My sister, Sara, just recently lost a friend, and as I watch her mourn her loss, and accept what has happened, I often stop to think about how I would handle the death of someone so near to me.
I hope that I would be like Job, from the bible, and after everything he had was taken away, his children died, and his wife left him, that I would praise God's name. The terrifying truth though, is that I have a feeling I would scream and run away from God. I know his plan is...incomprehensible, and much more detailed than we acknowledge, but if I lost my mom, or my dad, or one of my closest friends, I can't shake the feeling that I would shake my fist at God, and walk away.
It's possible that the terror I feel at the thought of losing someone, is all coming from the beast...the one out for my soul...satan. As I ponder this, I realize that it really is. The devil rejoices in my doubt, and he laughs when I feel weak, and so, in what little competitive nature I have, I am compelled to prove him wrong.
Look now satan, I am stronger than you will ever be, and even if my God calls one of my brothers or sisters home early, I will still praise his name.
The next thing I have to talk about, which relates in a round-about way, is peace. A quote from one of my favorite movies first, Bella, "I used to worry. Then I found out that 10 out of 10 people....die."
I worry. I stress. I have issues with being anxious and high strung. Most of all, this year, I worry about my dad. He's deployed, and every moment I pray for a hedge of protection around him...I don't know what my family would do without him. I have so many friends reassuring me that he will be safe, and God is protecting him, but the comfort that has stood out the most, are the words of wisdom from my dearest friend Lydia.
Lydia \l(y)-dia\ as a girl's name is pronounced LED-ee-ah. Biblical: a Christian woman called a "seller of purple" and described as a woman of business, probably affluent.
Purple is a royal color, right? Well, in the literal sense, this meaning makes no sense. In a symbolic sense, this name fits her to the t. Almost everything that comes from her mouth, is purple. They are the royal words of my Jesus. Once, I was having a rough day because I missed my dad. When I got home, I was texting Lydia, and she relayed this verse to me from Psalms, "Be at peace once more, oh my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." I doubt that could have been any more perfect. Now, when I worry, I remind myself that, yes, the LORD HAS been good to me. How should I forget it? Lydia...is amazing. Godly and uplifting and funny and smart and an amazing writer, my life will forever be changed with her in it.
Alright, well that's all I have for now.
Have a blessed day!!!
Love,
Helena
No comments:
Post a Comment