God closes doors for a reason, it's people like me that are stupid enough to open them again.
What we find...is horrendous, heartbreaking, and it all becomes clear why the door was closed. The door was closed to protect us from what would crush us. But, I guess, being crushed isn't all that bad. I can cling to HIM even more. In my weakness, he is strong. You are all I need. All I've ever needed.
I give you my heart....for the thousandth time, I pray that you would take my life....stop letting me be so stupid. Oh my heavy heart, he is near to you.
What is the love of one person if the God of the universe loved me ever before time began?
Thank you God for loving me. You are my all.
Helena
P.s. In the end, everything will be ok, if it's not ok, it's not the end. -Unknown
Monday, July 25, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I like taquitos
Tell me, why is it that, it's incredibly easy to give in to sin, when we know the guilt, shame, discontent, and hurt that will come with it? And still, it's so hard to accept love that comes with just that. LOVE. Mercy, compassion, grace, and the best part is that it's never-ending. It's eternal, and nothing can end it-stop it, or lessen it.
I'm having such a hard time accepting that God loves me. He could wipe me off of eternity in a span of his finger, and no one would notice, I wouldn't even notice, because I would be gone!! But he doesn't?
I've asked this so often...and I asked, well, God, what if you just created a Helena who is more obedient than me, and it was one of those moments when God kind of chuckles at us. He told me that, a more obedient Helena, isn't Helena.
Oofigdhuhhhhhhhhhhhh...my fingers feel like lead...
sorry...that's random.
Bahahaha, I'M NOT SORRY!!! Why would I ever be sorry for being random?
Psh, silly.
So, my friend Lydia,
God could not have been more exact on the placement of her in my life. Haha, why would he be off....haha, he's God.
Anyways, that's all I have to say. Off to the gym!!
With love, and a bucket of Kosher pickles,
Helena Elise
I'm having such a hard time accepting that God loves me. He could wipe me off of eternity in a span of his finger, and no one would notice, I wouldn't even notice, because I would be gone!! But he doesn't?
I've asked this so often...and I asked, well, God, what if you just created a Helena who is more obedient than me, and it was one of those moments when God kind of chuckles at us. He told me that, a more obedient Helena, isn't Helena.
Oofigdhuhhhhhhhhhhhh...my fingers feel like lead...
sorry...that's random.
Bahahaha, I'M NOT SORRY!!! Why would I ever be sorry for being random?
Psh, silly.
So, my friend Lydia,
God could not have been more exact on the placement of her in my life. Haha, why would he be off....haha, he's God.
Anyways, that's all I have to say. Off to the gym!!
With love, and a bucket of Kosher pickles,
Helena Elise
Monday, June 20, 2011
An infant, constructing a city.
Okay, God, you have my attention.
I get it.
This isn't your plan.
I asked for a sign, a obvious, but gentle sign.
Well, obvious...gentle-not exactly.
Please don't let me go, I need your strength now, more than ever.
I love you.
Helena
I can't decide how I feel about it...those moments when God shows up, and shakes our lives. The ones we have built, and tweaked to our satisfaction. God steps in and says, "That's not how I planned it." But I know he's right, and true, and faithful, and good....and this time, I'll listen.
Helena Elise
I get it.
This isn't your plan.
I asked for a sign, a obvious, but gentle sign.
Well, obvious...gentle-not exactly.
Please don't let me go, I need your strength now, more than ever.
I love you.
Helena
I can't decide how I feel about it...those moments when God shows up, and shakes our lives. The ones we have built, and tweaked to our satisfaction. God steps in and says, "That's not how I planned it." But I know he's right, and true, and faithful, and good....and this time, I'll listen.
Helena Elise
Friday, June 3, 2011
Life and Peace
Well, it seems like it's been a lifetime since I've been on here...pouring out my thoughts onto a digital journal which no one ever reads....nevertheless, I have some things I want to say.
Today I've been thinking about death.
Maybe it's from the 4 hours of sleep I got, or simply that it's such a hard concept to grasp, but thinking about death brings tears to my eyes. My sister, Sara, just recently lost a friend, and as I watch her mourn her loss, and accept what has happened, I often stop to think about how I would handle the death of someone so near to me.
I hope that I would be like Job, from the bible, and after everything he had was taken away, his children died, and his wife left him, that I would praise God's name. The terrifying truth though, is that I have a feeling I would scream and run away from God. I know his plan is...incomprehensible, and much more detailed than we acknowledge, but if I lost my mom, or my dad, or one of my closest friends, I can't shake the feeling that I would shake my fist at God, and walk away.
It's possible that the terror I feel at the thought of losing someone, is all coming from the beast...the one out for my soul...satan. As I ponder this, I realize that it really is. The devil rejoices in my doubt, and he laughs when I feel weak, and so, in what little competitive nature I have, I am compelled to prove him wrong.
Look now satan, I am stronger than you will ever be, and even if my God calls one of my brothers or sisters home early, I will still praise his name.
The next thing I have to talk about, which relates in a round-about way, is peace. A quote from one of my favorite movies first, Bella, "I used to worry. Then I found out that 10 out of 10 people....die."
I worry. I stress. I have issues with being anxious and high strung. Most of all, this year, I worry about my dad. He's deployed, and every moment I pray for a hedge of protection around him...I don't know what my family would do without him. I have so many friends reassuring me that he will be safe, and God is protecting him, but the comfort that has stood out the most, are the words of wisdom from my dearest friend Lydia.
Lydia \l(y)-dia\ as a girl's name is pronounced LED-ee-ah. Biblical: a Christian woman called a "seller of purple" and described as a woman of business, probably affluent.
Purple is a royal color, right? Well, in the literal sense, this meaning makes no sense. In a symbolic sense, this name fits her to the t. Almost everything that comes from her mouth, is purple. They are the royal words of my Jesus. Once, I was having a rough day because I missed my dad. When I got home, I was texting Lydia, and she relayed this verse to me from Psalms, "Be at peace once more, oh my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." I doubt that could have been any more perfect. Now, when I worry, I remind myself that, yes, the LORD HAS been good to me. How should I forget it? Lydia...is amazing. Godly and uplifting and funny and smart and an amazing writer, my life will forever be changed with her in it.
Alright, well that's all I have for now.
Have a blessed day!!!
Love,
Helena
Today I've been thinking about death.
Maybe it's from the 4 hours of sleep I got, or simply that it's such a hard concept to grasp, but thinking about death brings tears to my eyes. My sister, Sara, just recently lost a friend, and as I watch her mourn her loss, and accept what has happened, I often stop to think about how I would handle the death of someone so near to me.
I hope that I would be like Job, from the bible, and after everything he had was taken away, his children died, and his wife left him, that I would praise God's name. The terrifying truth though, is that I have a feeling I would scream and run away from God. I know his plan is...incomprehensible, and much more detailed than we acknowledge, but if I lost my mom, or my dad, or one of my closest friends, I can't shake the feeling that I would shake my fist at God, and walk away.
It's possible that the terror I feel at the thought of losing someone, is all coming from the beast...the one out for my soul...satan. As I ponder this, I realize that it really is. The devil rejoices in my doubt, and he laughs when I feel weak, and so, in what little competitive nature I have, I am compelled to prove him wrong.
Look now satan, I am stronger than you will ever be, and even if my God calls one of my brothers or sisters home early, I will still praise his name.
The next thing I have to talk about, which relates in a round-about way, is peace. A quote from one of my favorite movies first, Bella, "I used to worry. Then I found out that 10 out of 10 people....die."
I worry. I stress. I have issues with being anxious and high strung. Most of all, this year, I worry about my dad. He's deployed, and every moment I pray for a hedge of protection around him...I don't know what my family would do without him. I have so many friends reassuring me that he will be safe, and God is protecting him, but the comfort that has stood out the most, are the words of wisdom from my dearest friend Lydia.
Lydia \l(y)-dia\ as a girl's name is pronounced LED-ee-ah. Biblical: a Christian woman called a "seller of purple" and described as a woman of business, probably affluent.
Purple is a royal color, right? Well, in the literal sense, this meaning makes no sense. In a symbolic sense, this name fits her to the t. Almost everything that comes from her mouth, is purple. They are the royal words of my Jesus. Once, I was having a rough day because I missed my dad. When I got home, I was texting Lydia, and she relayed this verse to me from Psalms, "Be at peace once more, oh my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." I doubt that could have been any more perfect. Now, when I worry, I remind myself that, yes, the LORD HAS been good to me. How should I forget it? Lydia...is amazing. Godly and uplifting and funny and smart and an amazing writer, my life will forever be changed with her in it.
Alright, well that's all I have for now.
Have a blessed day!!!
Love,
Helena
Friday, February 18, 2011
Chicken Alfredo with Mozerella Cheese.
So, since my dad will be deployed soon, he was at training for a few weeks, and he returned with about 7 MRE's (Meal ready to eat) for us to eat/goof around with (you can make a soda bottle blow up with the heater!!!). Today I decided to eat one to see just what our soldiers on the go are eating.
The chicken alfredo thing was actually really good!! I mean...really good stuff...next I had "Cornbread Stuffing"...sort of. I took one bite, and spit it out. It was seriously like eating cat puke. Next I ate "Whole Wheat Bread Snack" with the spread on cheese...I guess it would be good if you were really hungry, but spread on cheese is nasty no matter where you get it. Gross. But the bread was alright I guess.Then I ate a few bites of the "Caramel Apple Ranger Bar", which was actually better than eating a Cliff bar or something. It was yummy. Then, I had a "Vanilla Frapuccino Coffee Drink", which I'm sure was probably passable, but I added too much water, so it was yucky. Next, in the separate little package that comes inside, you get:
-a packet of reses pieces
-a moist towelette
-spiced apple cider (an instant apple flavor drink mix)
-a miniature packet of tissues
-barbecue seasoning (???????)
-iodized salt
-two pieces of mint gum (chicklet sized)
Overall, I guess if you are in a situation where you need a MRE, it is reasonably good. Plus, I would have eaten everything if I was in a soldier's position.
You know...I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore....I will advertize via facebook!!!
You are loved and treasured.
Helena
The chicken alfredo thing was actually really good!! I mean...really good stuff...next I had "Cornbread Stuffing"...sort of. I took one bite, and spit it out. It was seriously like eating cat puke. Next I ate "Whole Wheat Bread Snack" with the spread on cheese...I guess it would be good if you were really hungry, but spread on cheese is nasty no matter where you get it. Gross. But the bread was alright I guess.Then I ate a few bites of the "Caramel Apple Ranger Bar", which was actually better than eating a Cliff bar or something. It was yummy. Then, I had a "Vanilla Frapuccino Coffee Drink", which I'm sure was probably passable, but I added too much water, so it was yucky. Next, in the separate little package that comes inside, you get:
-a packet of reses pieces
-a moist towelette
-spiced apple cider (an instant apple flavor drink mix)
-a miniature packet of tissues
-barbecue seasoning (???????)
-iodized salt
-two pieces of mint gum (chicklet sized)
Overall, I guess if you are in a situation where you need a MRE, it is reasonably good. Plus, I would have eaten everything if I was in a soldier's position.
You know...I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore....I will advertize via facebook!!!
You are loved and treasured.
Helena
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
NUTELLA TIME!!!
I PROMISE I WILL POST ASAP!!! I AM BOGGED DOWN WITH HOMEWORK RIGHT NOW AND I HAVE A BUNCH TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT, BUT THE NEXT FEW NIGHTS MAY BE SUPER BUSY!!!!!
Xoxo,
Heleanbjkfbwekjrhwekjrh
Xoxo,
Heleanbjkfbwekjrhwekjrh
Friday, February 11, 2011
I less than three you.
Dear Readers,
I am soooooo so terribly sorry I have not posted at all this week, but SO much has been going on. Well, not really. I just was lazy. :) But I have a lot to write about!
So, my daddy came home on Saturday, and we celebrated by going to one of those Hibachi grills. I love those places. :))) Then, so my sister-but-not-really, Sara, and her boy Travis, might be moving in with us! I'm so excited! It'll be a little cramped, but not too bad. Also, I went to a basketball game at CSBD (The Colorado School for the Deaf and Blind) and I have two new deaf friends!!! Oh, and PLEASE, if you were going to ask if there were any blind people on the team, smack yourself because there is an obvious answer waiting at the door for you. (NOOOOO!!!!) However, there are blind wrestlers, who I've heard are very good. The school is in the 1A division, so they are verrrrry small. Their graduating class is like 22...or something like that. :) My two new friends and Alison, and Chelsea, and they are really great basketball players. One of the most interesting aspects of the game was the deaf cheerleaders, because in the hearing world, cheer leading is all about being AS LOUD AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!!!!! but for them, they were cheering in sign language, and clapping. :) It was cool. I think I'll write more later because I realllllly wanna paint my nails. What color? Hmmmmmm, I'm thinking purple. Happy Friday sailors.
Love,
Helena
I am soooooo so terribly sorry I have not posted at all this week, but SO much has been going on. Well, not really. I just was lazy. :) But I have a lot to write about!
So, my daddy came home on Saturday, and we celebrated by going to one of those Hibachi grills. I love those places. :))) Then, so my sister-but-not-really, Sara, and her boy Travis, might be moving in with us! I'm so excited! It'll be a little cramped, but not too bad. Also, I went to a basketball game at CSBD (The Colorado School for the Deaf and Blind) and I have two new deaf friends!!! Oh, and PLEASE, if you were going to ask if there were any blind people on the team, smack yourself because there is an obvious answer waiting at the door for you. (NOOOOO!!!!) However, there are blind wrestlers, who I've heard are very good. The school is in the 1A division, so they are verrrrry small. Their graduating class is like 22...or something like that. :) My two new friends and Alison, and Chelsea, and they are really great basketball players. One of the most interesting aspects of the game was the deaf cheerleaders, because in the hearing world, cheer leading is all about being AS LOUD AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!!!!! but for them, they were cheering in sign language, and clapping. :) It was cool. I think I'll write more later because I realllllly wanna paint my nails. What color? Hmmmmmm, I'm thinking purple. Happy Friday sailors.
Love,
Helena
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